Gardening Stains are Red

I am a nerd.

At the college that I go to, I am in the honors program. And no, they didn't make a mistake in letting me in. I belong there. I may not be as smart, or as studious or ingenuous as everyone else there, but I don't need to be in order to belong.

Within this nerdy bunch, I am in the Tolkien reading group. And I love it.

Yesterday, the freshman class of the honors program had a group building day. Tolkien is a solid group. We really don't have many problems with each other. Most of us were skeptical that we would get anything out of this day, but we came anyway because we like each other so much, and if you give us a time to hang out with each other we'll take it no matter what.

Most of the day was pointless. There were games, and they were fun. There was criticism, that wasn't. But then we were put in a room together and left alone after being told we could leave any time we wanted to. We stayed in that room for the better part of six hours.

I was confronted with many things in this time. All that we did in that room was constructive. No one got angry, in fact we spent most of the time telling each other what we really admired about each other, and lifting each other up in prayer and celebrating the unique group we have. But within this setting something inside of me came loose.

I imagine it's was a lot like having one of those places you can't scratch scratched by someone. It hurts, but it's good.

I finally reached a point where I was being real with God, and myself, at the same time. Pure truth. No pretense. Praise and mourning, crying and laughing, feeling and thinking at the same time. God unblocked something in my soul tonight. I sobbed. It took me a few bloody knuckles on a tree to get that started, but afterwards it was smooth sailing. I think that I've come to the realization that crying is a good thing. I used to despise it in myself, and refused to cry if I could ever help it, which I could. But if there's ever a time when crying is alright then it's in front of your Creator, Lord, Master and Redeemer. He did, before it all, do the same for me...

And if you're wondering about the title of this blog, it's named after an experience that my Grandfather had. My Grandmother has been visiting this week, and so my mind has been drifting to the stories and memories of my grandfather. Suddenly his conversion story has a lot more impact upon me. Bleeding so hard that his hands were cleaned...

Spring and Questing Collegiates

A weekend gone and mid-week spent.
An honorary Spring-Break session
consumed by three, and additionally me,
in a happy introvert depression.
To think, and laugh, and think again,
to frolic joyously,
to dream awake, and wake to rest
and escape most marvelously
the joy of work, and thence to shirk
the drudge of city strife.
To rest in the fields of Him who wields
the true powers of this life.
And then to meet (a happy feat)
in the house of a fabulous friend,
and eat good food, and drink to the mood
as an eighteenth year does end.
And then? A commonwealth of blessed Health!
A gift from God above!
Meander here, peruse some there,
and marvel in His love!
Then sit ye down, and ponderously frown
in a mug of evening tea,
and then "goodbye!" and politely fly
from a place you'd rather not flee.
Then hold your course! With 200 horse,
consume that length of miles!
Keep up you head! This is not bed,
you all asleep and smiles!
But when at home, you mind may roam,
dream then of all the beauty.
In fact, demand that all mind stand
and take to this fine duty:
to remember the blest, and take the rest
our Lord gives to His fine people,
and pray, dear sir, He will confer
"worth far above jewels" 'neath steeple.

"To the woman in my life..."

My mother is tired of my last post. She says she doesn't like poems she doesn't understand. I'm not sure I can classify my last post as a poem, and I don't even understand it, so I'm not sure what's up with all that... but I love my mother. So this is for you Mom!


PS. these are some random pictures from my photo album, just to make this random post a little more interesting. Sorry to all those out there who expect more profound things... it's just time for a little relaxing, you know?

Thoughts Provoked

I see the world around me, and see you.
I look at the life I create for myself, and do not see.
I turn to the light, and am blinded by it.
I turn to the darkness, and see depravity.

Evil is not, and naught is evil.
Holes in the ground are not ground.
Light can be bent, reflected and captured.
Good just is, and shall continue.

From whither comes the passion of and for salvation?
From whence the saving grace of true will and willfulness?
Why don't all seek?
Won't all find?