A Beautiful Morning Part III

After Nate had taken Sam out and played with him a bit, leaving Anne mercilessly to the questions of his parents, he returned to find that Jean had come to her rescue and they were now laughing together in the aisle. As he approached he got the feeling from the look on his sister's face that he was the subject being discussed.

"Well ladies, nice to see you getting along. Care to share in the joy?"
"Well, I'm sure that we're happy to share some joy with you, but I'm afraid the conversation is just between us ladies. Sorry Nate."
"Eh, such is life I guess. Can't say that I honestly thought you'd tell me Jean. Though I would like to know if you ever feel like telling me..."
"Right, right. Hope springs eternal..."
"And "hope is the certainty of bliss to come!"
"Speaking of hope, would you two like to come with Josh and I to the Arboretum for a picnic lunch?"
There was an overwhelmingly positive answer from both of them at this, so the plan was set.

*************************************

The arboretum was marvelous.

As Nate and Anne arrived they could see Samuel already busy running around the park entrance, pointing out flowers and birds, tugging at the hands of his parents as the delights of his Creator enthralled his mind.

As Nate helped Anne out of the car, he felt that tug on his soul to be nervous once more, and worry about what would happen. But instead of giving himself over to this depressing hopelessness he repeated an idea to himself that had been born out of many conversations with his father and brother-in-law.

"I am a child of God," he thought to himself. "An actor in His play. A bit of a comedy so far, but destined to be an amazingly inspiring drama. Still, just an actor. The plot is up to Him, I only ad-lib a few lines, and those only when He gives permission."

As they walked together up to the entrance to the arboretum to meet up with the young family, Nate turned to Anne and said "I just want to thank you for coming today Anne. I'm really glad that you're here, and that you're up for a picnic with my family."

"It's my pleasure Nate, really. Being at school has been good, and good for me, but I've really missed my family. Visiting with yours has been wonderfully refreshing. You really have a wonderful family, filled with good people."

As Nate was trying to ad-lib for Christ, Samuel ran up and pointed out to his uncle and new friend that there was a "coney" spying on them from beneath a bush! Nate, who knew that Josh's love of English Literature often came out in his daily speech, laughed aloud at his nephew's British vocabulary, while Anne was simply amused and politely surprised at it.

A comical chase soon entailed; the fearless and vertically challenged hunter hopelessly outrun by his intended game as his adoring entourage followed at a safe distance. The chase did serve to user them deep into the center of the arboretum, like a good curator, who draws guests into a museum and surrounds them with priceless works of art.

The arboretum was miraculously beautiful that afternoon. Spring was just in the midst of fulfilling the promise of the early green buds of late winter. Even the barest of branches nourished a few new leaves. Those plants that had started early were in full bloom, and the ducks swam happily in the ponds only to be disturbed by the occational "plopplop" of a turtle falling into the cool water. The warm sunlight and the fresh breeze seemed to have teamed up to lazily chase the cool shadows of the leaves back and forth across the clean clipped grass.

In this place of gentle beauty the five of them passed the hour with food, friendship and felicity. Soon Sam had worn himself out with play, and his parents were of a mind to get him home before he fell asleep. So with fond farewells they left Nate and Anne in this veritable garden in high spirits.

What could have been an awkward situation was by-passed by equal agreeance that such a fine afternoon should not be wasted indoors. So the two of them stayed and talked to their hearts content as the ducks chased themselves across the water.

Finally, as the sun reddened the clouds and cast amber rays through the branches overhead, Nate gave Anne his hand and helped the lady up. As they walked back through the arbors the scent of lemon blossoms played in the evening breeze.

Nate had never been in a more romantic situation in his life. All sorts of lovely feelings were sweeping out of his chest and up, trying to escape from his mouth. But he had never felt more at peace either.

As he thought more about the place in which he found himself, he realized that it was this that was evoking much of these powerful feelings in him. For a moment he considered letting them overwhelm him. He felt as though he could sing an impromptu ballad for the immensely intelligent, enjoyable and beautiful lady he found in Anne.

He could almost let himself go, and if he did, Heaven help this lady.

He was, after all, his father's son, a student of his mother's eloquence, and the loving brother of his first best-friend and older sister.

Self-doubt is for the weak, pride doubly so. Humility and full recognition and knowledge of one's gifts from God, complete with their inherent dangers, is wisdom. And Nate was nothing if not the heir of a God fearing man.

But the truth of the moment held him back from the swirl of his emotions. It was, in fact, due to Anne herself that he held the power of his feelings in check. Her countenance and internal poise that he had experienced throughout the afternoon had impressed upon him just how truly beautiful she was; a devote, young lady of high intelligence living a chaste life in the pursual of God.

So as Nate drove Anne back to her dorm, he held his tongue. Merely agreeing with Anne as she spoke of what a lovely time she had had.

He politely bade her "Good night," and saw her to the door with all the decency and friendliness he usually did, but kept his thoughts of the day to himself. Soon he was back in his car, driving back home.

As his emotional flood subsided, he was struck by the fact that even though he felt like this about her, she was not really the girl of his dreams. For all the wonders that God had created in her, he knew she was not the one he'd been praying for since his childhood.

And yet, for a moment, she had been. For a moment she was his first date, she was his last, and all the dates inbetween. She was his sister in Christ, his friend, and wife to be.

"Good Lord, she's a symbol!"

When he opened the door to the apartment he shared with three other guys from the college, one of his roommates hollered "So, what did you do today?"

Nate smiled slowly and shook his head.

"I took a walk with a woman."

Requests granted, unexpectedly...

Alright, this is a little out of character for this blog, but I figure that the character of this blog can be whatever I want it to be, and tonight I deem it should be a little different.

Some background: I'm tired. I've been feeling rather exhausted lately, and I'm not altogether sure why.
Also, I've been trying anew, and succeeding anew, with some of the harder aspects of my walk with and toward God.

That said, tonight I was on my way to visit a friend from Berkeley who is down for springbreak at a local Starbucks. While driving I was talking to God, and I, in my exhausted state, just broke out and told Him just exactly what I felt about my life at the moment.

Much was said between us, but my bit ended with "I've been doing what you've asked me! I would like a bit of a reward! Some peace of mind, some sign that you like what I've been doing! I want to feel better about myself. Lord, I'd like for some girl to flirt with me tonight. Just some cute girl to smile at me without my initiating it. That's it."

And that was it. The end of the conversation. He said nothing in return, so I just drove and felt silly for asking for such a ridiculous and immature thing.

I arrived at Starbucks to find that all of my friends from highschool who had left for college were back in town, and waiting for me! It was great, we all caught up and exchanged stories and news, and talked of roadtrips and visiting while sipping hot drinks.

On my way back home I was stopped at a red light when some of the ladies from this group of friends pulled up next to me and signaled for me to roll down my window. So I did.

"Hey! You're hot!" they called.

I was flabbergasted.

The light turned green, we all laughed and I turned left while they went straight.

As I was pulling into my drive I was thinking about just how the night had ended up. I hadn't thought of my request after I saw that my friends were back. And then God pulled that right out of His hat.

I ask for one cute girl to smile at me, and He has three.

I feel so silly for relating this story, for asking for such a childish thing. Not impure, but not very adult. Yet He still delivered, and in the best of all possible ways;with people who, while attractive, are no temptation to me to become distracted from Him. God is good.

That's all I have to say. God is good.

"The Wind Blows Wherever it Pleases"

The wind blows once more

and just as before

it scatters the leaves of my fate.

But this wind is breezey,

this wind, fair and easy,

this wind ends the winter of late.

waiting for the dawn

What a fool I am to let the ideas of the past take over the thoughts of my innermost heart! Why do I sit and wonder at the might have beens? They are naught. They are without shape, without form, without substance. They are nothing in the real world that we live our lives of pain and love in.

I suffer because I feel so alone. I dont feel like I have love in my life. And so I think that I am not worth what I wish for, simply because I have not gotten it. I lose hope in myself, and why? Simply because I am told by this fool of a culture that I am only worth what I have, not who I am. Supposedly what you are will give you a thing. But that takes time in reality. And reality is not what the culture values, so instead it tells us that the now is all that matters. Buy now, sell now, achieve now, run now, eat now, relax now, do all that is pleasurable in the instant now. It never tells us to wait now. Though its last trick is the meanest: it tells us to die in shame now. And it never warns you. You only find that one out before it happens if you keep your eyes open. But like Rome of old, it kills us all.
Morbid? Hell. Yes.

For most.

So it tells me that what I want I should have now. I should have that loving relationship now. I should have that lovely wife now. I should have that satisfaction of sex and children now, if ever.

Its wrong.
But it's clever in its deceit.

Let it damn itself. I wait for God.