Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Story I

I awoke as I usually do: my senses telling stories of the time that I'd been away from my body, my mind slowly letting go of the adventures of the dreams that I love and hate with all of the passion in me.


I never wake without regretting it in some part of my heart. The world in which the rest of humanity acts just seems to pale in comparison to that which makes up my dreams. But then, few people have dreams like I do. At least, if anyone does have dreams like me they don't ever mention it...

Most folks, if you ask them about their most vivid dreams, will tell you of flying or standing in front of their old school mates in the buff, only to wake and find reality a calm comfort to their thin-stretched nerves. I've never really had that experience.

I wake to find the world a glaring nuisance. I want to return to my dreams, not because they're pleasant, but because I feel so much more real There. Not that There is any more real than Here, but, everything seems to mean more. Or maybe it's not that things mean more, but simply that it is easier to see what things mean There. Anyway, the world of my dreams just appeals so much more. It's a world that fills my soul with love and makes me fear for life itself in one fell swoop. In this world you get up and go to school or work, saying "Hellohowareyou?" to every person who makes eye contact with you and never once actually wonder what the answer is. If anyone says anything beyond "Fine,thankyou.Howareyou?" most folks hardly notice. But to ask a question without listening to the answer in that other world is folly. In that world that stretches beyond this reality there is a certain genuine nature to things that this place cannot compete with.

Because of this, falling asleep is much like waking from life to find that life is only the start of living. And waking is like being forced into rented dress clothes that are far too small for you. I can't move properly, and am afraid to test my limits for fear of breaking something on mistake, and being made to pay for it later.

But just what am I talking about? Here it is: I dream.

Nothing new to that I suppose, but I dream bigger and deeper and wider than most. I don't know how, and I'm not convinced that it's just all in my head. But when I sleep I dream. And when I dream I truly live. Nowadays anyway...

Once this wasn't the way of it. As a kid I knew my dreams were powerful, and I believed in the power of my dreams just like any other child. Nightmares were just as bad as things in reality if not worse. But most people grow out of that, and so I convinced myself as I grew up into adolescence that it was that same with me: my nightmares were a fantasy, the glorious dreams were fake. Perhaps it was because I was convinced of this that these manifestations of imagination and spiritual life left me. I started to dream dreams that everyone dreams: walking in fields, flying, being wealthy and having everyone like me for no reason. My dreams grew dull and pointless. Just like my mind and spirit.

Then the darkness came.

[[:To Be Continued:]]

1 comment:

A.E.B. said...

Yay!