We don't get much weather around here. Southern California doesn't have much but sunshine in the summer and a slightly less shiny version for winter. But the other day we had some wind. Blew several trees over, a power line or two as well.
And my girlfriend and I have broken up. I was the one to end it, she was the one to take it hard. I've decided that breaking up is, as the song says, "hard to do." But what is even worse is watching the after effects of it. Watching as the words you so kindly crafted to be the softest and kindest of letdowns break her reserve and flood her face with tears and your ears with the sounds of sobs.... just hurts. It's not hard, it's tramatic.
We broke up five days ago. And only now am I calm enough and together enough inside to write about this. It really hurt. And not just her.
I hated this breakup. I hated telling her no the next day when she brought me a plan to "fix" things. And I've hated hearing our mutual friends say that she is telling them that I didn't tell her why we broke up. I have told her. Several times. Several different ways. Our relationship had gotten too mature too fast. I'm not ready for the relationship we were in. I know that sounds like whimping out, but that's just true. Maybe it is whimping out from some perspectives, but if I'm not ready for it than it's my responsibility to let her know. So I did. I can't like her anymore. It would be wrong for us to go on, destructive to our growth as individuals. Not healthy. We were done.
And that hurt. It hurt when she didn't know it, it hurts now that she does. Strange, shouldn't it feel better at some point? Ah well...
But it does feel good to know that I've told the truth.
And I'm free to keep doing so...
The weather around here has been interesting lately... lots of wind, but a fair bit of rain too.
I dream of Spring.
-Josh
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
" . . .is frightful." I think those are the words to end that sentence. I had cousins from oregon down here this week, and they were pretty angry that the rain decided to follow them down to the normally sunkissed sidewalks we have come to know and love in California.
But on to other matters . .
Sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend, I truly am. But I applaud your motives behind it. In fact, it may be the best reason for breaking up I have ever heard from a guy. Having the knowledge of when you are ready or not ready for something serious like that seems to be lacking around our wonderful campus, the Bridal institute of Los Angeles. I won't say I know exactly how you feel right now, but if you ever need to vent, or kill me in Halo, ring me up.
Is that really how you spell "whimping"? I always thought it was wimping. Oh well.
Post a Comment